Evil Geniuses for a Better Tomorrow
by Nakraf
Summary: Mr. Barkin wants information on a new club started at Middleton High, and he's not alone!
1. Penguin of the Month?

            Hi, everyone.  I've written a few fanfics before, but this is the first one to be put on a site.  Enjoy!  Respond!  Whatever!

            I do not own the characters of Kim Possible, Steve Barkin, Ron Stoppable, or any other characters other than the members of EGBT.

                        **CHAPTER ONE**

            Kim Possible walked down the hallway of Middleton High School, singing to herself.

            "If you find your world is cavin' in, you can bet you're gonna need a friend…"

            As she rounded the corner, the door to an empty classroom opened, and a large hand grabbed by the shoulder and pulled her in.  Kim turned around to see the six-foot plus frame and brown military haircut of Middleton High's permanent substitute.

            "Mr. Barkin?"

            "Possible.  I need to talk to you."

            "Uh…okay…"

            Mr. Barkin held out a handful of papers.  "As you know, part of my job entails keeping careful records of every club that is held here."  Kim flipped through the papers as Barkin spoke.  The papers had the names of various clubs: Chess Club, Drama Club, Penguin of the Month Club (October: Rockhopper), the basics of any high school.

            "So, then, what's the sitch?"

            "I have reason to believe that a club has been started without my consent or knowledge.  In fact…" he checked his watch "they should be meeting very soon."

            Barkin opened the door.  He and Kim leaned out into the hallway, just in time to see one of the students walk past.  Kim had been partnered with him in science class once.  His name was Steve Verruckt.  He was very smart and knew a lot about science, but was not a geek in any way.  He was about five-eight, and had short, brown hair that naturally grew towards the front of his head.  He was wearing a black shirt with a big green G on the front, which lately he seemed to wear every Thursday.

            "That's one of them," Barkin whispered.  "Find out what he's up to, then report back to me."

            A few minutes later, Kim was scrabbling around the AC ducts of the school.  She didn't like the idea of playing Spy for Mr. Barkin, but if Steve Verruckt was involved in something shifty, she didn't have much choice.  Looking through the vents in the duct, she finally followed him into a strange room that she didn't know existed.  It was made entirely out of concrete: the only light came from a single bulb hanging from the ceiling.  Steve approached a table, where his friends Allen Emprill, Don Metrodi, and Bob (no last name given) were seated.

            Allen sat up.  "You're late."

            "Sorry.  I had to pass through D-hall to get here."

            Allen, Don, and Bob stood up, revealing that they were wearing shirts similar to Steve's, except that theirs had an E, a B, and a T, respectively.

            "All right!" Bob called.  "This official meeting of the Evil Geniuses for a Better Tomorrow club will now come to order!"

            Kim's eyes widened.  _An evil genius club, meeting in my own school?_

            "I trust that you have done your homework, Don?"

            Don took a piece of paper out of a bag on the floor.  "I think you'll find my latest world domination scheme quite interesting."

            Just then, Kim felt herself move ever so slightly.  At the same time, all four members of the EGBT stood rigid.

            "What was that?" Don hissed.

            Steve looked up.  "You guys remember how last week, I loosened the bolts on the grate, so we would be able to tell if Barkin sent any spies?"

            Allen looked up as well.  "Yeah?"

            "Remember how you guys all bet me that it wouldn't work?"

            "Yeah?"

            At that moment, the grate gave way, and Kim fell nearly seven feet onto the desk situated directly below.  Steve smirked, as Allen, Don, and Bob all grudgingly took out their wallets and placed a five-dollar bill into his outstretched hand.


	2. Not really evil

I do not own any Kim Possible characters yadda, yadda, yadda…

                        **CHAPTER TWO**

Kim did a spectacular back flip off the table, landing in a fighting stance.  "You guys wanna take me?  Come and try."

            The four members of the EGBT stood there, looking at her with mild interest.  Don was the first one to speak.  "Hey, Steve.  Wasn't she your science partner last year, first semester?"

            "Yeah.  Kim Possible, I believe.  So, you're working for Barkin now?"

            "I don't like it.  But what you're doing is illegal!"

            Steve looked at her, and then shifted his gaze uncomfortably to his companions, then back to Kim.  "Uh, could I talk to you?  Alone?"

            The other members of the EGBT exchanged knowing glances.  Steve gave them a murderous look and said "That's not what I meant."

            "We understand.  Go and have your private talk."

            Steve took Kim aside to a corner of the room.  "Look.  Don't tell the guys I told you this, but…we're not really evil."

            "I beg your pardon?  Taking over the world is _very evil, not to mention illegal!"_

            "Taking over the world, yes, that is quite illegal.  But _plotting_ to take over the world, that's a different story.  The planning phase is perfectly legal, as long as we have no intention of actually _doing _anything about it.  Our club works like this: at the end of a meeting, one member is assigned to come up with a plot to take over the world.  He needs a preliminary plot by the beginning of the next meeting.  We spend the next couple of meetings ironing out any bugs in it, any place where it could go wrong, until it is perfect.  Then, we laugh evilly, and put the plot in our file cabinet for future amusement."

            "Then what?"

            "Then, we assign someone else, and the cycle starts over again.  You see, this way, we can channel our anger at things that make us angry into a hobby that brings out the evil urges that every human possesses, without running the risk of getting arrested."

            "Interesting."

            "Yes," said a voice, unheard by all but its owner, "interesting.  Very interesting indeed."

            The reason nobody heard his voice was because he was on an island on the other side of the Atlantic ocean.  The voice belonged to none other than Señor Senior, Sr.  He was watching the preceding through a monitor.

            "Father, how is it that we came to be watching a security image from an American high school?"

            "I am keeping very close watch on Kim Possible.  I'm hoping for a chance to get her back for ruining our evil career."  In an earlier, unseen adventure, Kim had decided that the best bet for keeping Señor Senior, Sr. and Señor Senior, Jr. from trying to take over the world again would be to deny them access to their lair, so it was now in custody of international police.

            "Why is it necessary that you watch Kim Possible's every move in order to plan your revenge?"

            "Because, Junior, I know nothing about her personal life.  If I watch her, maybe I'll learn something that I can use to my advantage.  But for now, I think I may have stumbled onto something else.  Those four boys say that they have developed perfect world-domination plots, and they are just sitting around in a file cabinet, waiting to be taken."

            "But, would that not require going all the way over to America?"  
            "Yes, which is why I need more time to think.  Now, go do something until I come up with an idea."

            "Like what?  There are no tanning booths on this island.  No disco techs.  Nothing except…"

            "FORE!!!"  A golf ball came screaming through the air and bounced off of Señor Senior, Jr's head.

            "…a golf course."

            "Junior, Mr. Killigan has been nothing if not hospitable to us."

            "He only allows us to rent rooms in his lair because of the huge rent we are capable of paying."

            "He is a professional super villain, as well as a gracious host."

            "But father, he shouts in his sleep, he has no fashion sense, and just last week, a golf ball came in through the bathroom window and blew up the toilet!"

            "Golf is a healthy, outdoor hobby.  You could use a few more of those."

            "Do you always have to change the subject like that?"

            "Not now, Junior.  I need to think for a while."

            "Oh, fine.  I'll just go tan myself on the eighteenth hole."

            "Ye will not, laddie!" Duff Killigan shouted from across the green.  "Tha's where I'm headed next!"

                        ***                 *                 ***

            "An evil genius club?  That definitely scores a solid 9.0 on the 'I-Never-Saw-This-Coming' scale."

            Kim was at Bueno Nacho with her two best friends, Ron Stoppable and Monique.  Monique had a last name, but nobody ever bothered finding out what is was.

            "I know!" Kim exclaimed, in response to Monique's statement.  "And the weirdest part is that they aren't even evil!  They come up with evil plots, hammer out all the dents, laugh like maniacs, and then forget about them!"

            Ron swallowed a mouthful of burrito.  "So, KP, are you gonna tell Barkin?"

            "I don't know, Ron.  They seem like nice guys, who just happen to have a weird hobby.  But I did promise Barkin that I would tell him."

            "You know, if they're running such a…" Ron fumbled around for the right word, before eventually settling on "…not-evil…club, why are they keeping it a secret from Barkin?"

            "Come on, Ron.  You know Barkin would never approve a club called 'Evil Geniuses for a Better Tomorrow'."

            Monique gave Kim a very serious look.  "Kim, Barkin approved the 'Penguin of the Month' club."

            Kim put her head down on the table.  Her friends weren't going to be of any help.  Ron picked up his burrito, only to find that it was now an empty tortilla.

            "Rufus!  Have you been in my burrito again?"

            Rufus, Ron's naked mole rat, gave him a guilty look from the edge of the table.

            "Kim, you never answered my first question…are you going to tell Barkin?"

            "I already answered your question."

            "Well?  Are you?"

            "I don't know, Ron.  I just…don't…know."

                        ***                 *                 ***

            "I don't know, Duff.  I just don't know."

            "I's easy, laddie.  Just put the ball on the tee, judge the distance to the hole, bend yer knees, pull back, and swing!"

            Señor Senior, Jr. put the ball on the tee, judged the distance to the hole, bent his knees, pulled back, and swung.  Miraculously, he managed to hit the ball, but it flew straight up into the air and landed squarely on Killigan's head.

            "Aye.  I think tha's enough for one day."

            "Junior!  I have it!  I have decided how to obtain those world domination plots!"

            "Father, can't you see I'm in the middle of a lesson?  Can't it wait?"

            "Well…" Señor Senior, Sr. saw the panicked look on Duff Killigan's face.  "No.  This is of utmost importance, and requires our immediate attention!"

            Killigan let out an audible sigh of relief.

            "All right, father.  What is your 'master plan' this time?"

            "_You will get them for us, by going undercover at Middleton High School.  I have already submitted your application."_

            "My application?  You mean…?"

            "Yes."

            "At a _public_ school?"

            "It will only be for a little while."

            "Father, don't you think they'll notice that I'm a little…old for high school?"

            Señor Senior, Sr. shook his head.  "Junior, I have not signed you up as a student."

            "Okay, people!  Listen up!" Mr. Barkin shouted at the assembly the following day.  Kim had not said anything to him yet.

            "I regret to inform you," Barkin continued, "that our football coach left us in order to pursue his life's dream of becoming a gastroenterologist.  Normally, I would be filling in the vacated post, but as this seems to be a full time thing, we have a new coach.  Please welcome…" he read the card, trying to determine if what he saw was, in fact, a real name.  "Señor Senior, Jr."

            Kim felt her jaw hit the floor.

So?  Whaddya think?  How's it going?  Tell me!!!


	3. Mixed Loyalties and Mad Golfers

You all know who I own and don't own.  So let's get to the story!

**                        CHAPTER THREE**

Kim couldn't believe how badly things were going.  Barkin was expecting a report on the EGBT, who had trusted her to keep their identity a secret.  And as if that wasn't bad enough, now Señor Senior, Jr. was teaching at her school!  Things couldn't get much worse!

            Later that day, things got much worse.  Kim led the cheerleading squad through a new routine.  Ron sat on the sidelines, with the Kimmunicator in hand; waiting to alert her if something came up.

            "Hey, Rufus?  Maybe it's just me, but I've noticed that all of their 'new routines' look almost exactly the same.  Ever notice that."

            Rufus nodded and mumbled something incomprehensible in agreement.

            "No, no, no!  You people are making me want to cry!"

            For the fifth time that day, Kim had to stop the routine, because Señor Senior, Jr. was too busy yelling at the football team for her to concentrate.

            "Any large, muscular person can charge headfirst into a human wall and hope not to die.  You people have the muscle, but you need more style!"

            Brick Flagg, the quarterback, exchanged a look with the center.  "Style?  In _football?"_

            "Here.  Let me show you!"  Señor Senior, Jr. picked up the football and said, "Come on!  Let me see what you've got."

            The football players looked at each other and shrugged; then, all eleven of them charged Junior in unison.  Junior, being the macho man that he was, screamed like a child, dropped the ball, and began to run as fast as he could in the other direction.

            Kim crossed her arms.  "Yep," she said, sarcastically, "can't get much more stylish than that.  Come on team, let's…"  She looked at the team to see that none of them were paying attention to her.  "What are you staring at?"  Kim followed Bonnie Rockwaller's gaze to the yellow-shirted European man running for his life across the football field.  "What…eww!  Bonnie!  He's the son of an international super villain!"

            "The incredibly cute son of an international super villain." Bonnie sighed, without even looking at Kim.

            "Plus, he has to be almost twice your age!"

            "So does Orlando Bloom, but I don't hear you complaining about him!"

            For the next few days, Kim was constantly being hounded by Barkin, who would always want to know if she had found out anything about the illicit club.  Kim always said that she was busy on another crisis, but she would have an answer for him soon.

            "Well, snap it up, Possible!  I need this info now!"

            The truth was that her only "crisis" was finding out why Señor Senior, Jr. had taken a job at her school.  But it didn't take her long to find out.  One day, while walking to her next class, she heard Barkin's voice echoing over the loudspeaker:

            "Attention!  Would Señor Senior, Jr. please come to the front desk?  He has a phone call."

            Wondering what this was about, Kim and Ron snuck up to the front desk, just in time to see Junior take the phone from the secretary.

            "Hello…No, not yet, but…but father…I…Father, why do _I _have to do it?"

            Señor Senior, Sr.'s voice came through the phone so loudly that Junior had to hold the phone at arm's length to avoid any lasting damage to his hearing.  For this reason, it was very easy for anyone in the front hallway to hear what Señor Senior, Sr. was saying.

            "Because you are stronger and more athletically coordinated than I am, because you look better in a skintight outfit than I do, because you still have the use of both legs, because you have been trained by a professional, and because I will WRITE YOU OUT OF MY WILL IF YOU DON'T!  THAT'S WHY!!!"

            Dead silence was all that followed in the hallway.  For some unexplained reason, somebody dropped a pin.

            "All right, father.  I'll see what I can do."

            Kim pulled Ron around the corner.  "I knew he was up to something!"

            Unfortunately, because of her little retort, both Kim and Ron missed the end of the conversation.

            "But father, Kim Possible has been following me ever since I arrived here.  I think she suspects something!"

            "Don't worry, Junior.  I think she is going to be out of the way for a while."

            At that exact moment, the Kimmunicator chirped.

            "What's the sitch, Wade?"  Bet you were wondering when he would show up?

            "Nothing big.  Just a bank robbery in progress.  About half a mile from your school."

            "You got any security images?"

            "No.  The cameras were all blown up before anything happened."

            "All right.  We're on our way."

            Kim switched off the Kimmunicator.  She and Ron were on their way out the door, when Señor Senior, Jr. intervened.

            "And where, may I ask, are you two going during school hours?"

            Barkin put a hand on Junior's shoulder.  "I forgot to tell you something about Possible and Stoppable.  They frequently get called away for some mission, save the world, that kind of thing.  I've tried giving them detention for it, but apparently, they have diplomatic immunity."

            "There you go, KP.  If Junior was up to something, why would he try to stop us from leaving?"

            Later, Ron and Kim arrived at the bank to find that, from the outside, nothing looked unusual, except that the front door was propped open ever so slightly.  Rufus poked his head out of Ron's pocket, saw this, and decided to investigate.

            "Rufus!  Come back!"  Ron took off after his hairless friend.

            "Ron, wait!"  But it was too late.  Ron had opened the door, and a bucket had fallen off and landed on his head.  And what was in the bucket?  Water?  Glue?  Diablo Sauce?  Nope.  The bucket was full of golf balls.  "Wait…golf balls?"

            At that moment, Kim heard the unmistakable insane laughter of a rogue golfer turned super villain.  She made a flying leap over the golf balls (and Ron), landing five feet away from Duff Killigan.

            "I was wondering when ye'd get here, lassie." Killigan raised his hands, revealing a nine-iron in his right, and a struggling Rufus in the left.

            "Ooh help no please no."

            Ron extracted his head from the bucket, and his gaze was immediately drawn to Rufus, babbling in Killigan's fist.

            "Rufus!  No!"

            Killigan opened a special golf ball and deposited Rufus inside, so that only his head was showing.  The naked mole rat screamed, as Killigan placed him on the floor, bent his knees, and pulled back, preparing to swing.

            "Don't try anything, Kim Possible, or the rodent here gets it!"

So, how's that for a cliffhanger?  How will Rufus get out of this one?  And how does it relate to Señor Senior, Jr.'s plot?  Find out in chapter four!


	4. The Fourth Chapter

To japanesejewel: Rockx, eh?  Never head that one.  Note to self: steal that word.  Oh, wait, you weren't supposed to hear that…I mean,…uh…I…YES I'M AWESOME!!!

To Parareru (man, that's hard to pronounce): What can I say?  Señor Senior, Sr.'s been watching the Drakken series, and picked up some personality traits from our favorite mad scientist.

I could tell you what I don't own (yet), but you already know.

                        **CHAPTER FOUR**

            Duff Killigan gave another evil laugh for good measure, then held his golf club about an inch from Rufus, ready to give him a solid whack if Kim or Ron came any closer.  _If I'm lucky, _he thought, _I just might hit Kim Possible between the eyes with this drive._

            Just then, from somewhere in the bank, an electronic beeping began to play "Phantom of the Opera".

            "Oh.  Excuse me."  Duff Killigan, much to Kim and Ron's surprise, set down his golf bag, unzipped one of the side pouches, and took out his cell phone.  "Hello?...Aye…aye…nay, nay, nothing has…what?  Now?  But…But I just got to the best part!  Ye see, I have the hairless rodent trapped in one of me special…oh…okay…all right.  Bye."

            Killigan replaced the cell phone, and then turned to Kim and Ron.  "Well, I hate to be leavin' ye on such short notice, but…"  He tossed a golf ball on the ground.  A huge cloud of smoke filled the bank.  When it had cleared, the only clue as to where Killigan had gone was the sound of a helicopter taking off from the roof.

            As Ron helped a terrified Rufus out of his golf ball prison, Kim questioned the tellers and patrons.  Remarkably, except for one man's least expensive watch, Killigan hadn't stolen anything!

            "Well," Ron said, on the way back to school, "I think that one would qualify as our easiest mission ever."

            "I don't know, Ron.  Why would he just leave like that?"

            The Kimmunicator chirped again.  "Kim!  We got a hit on the site from Steve Verruckt!  The club's been robbed!"

            "Robbed of what?"

            "Gone!" Steve pointed to the file cabinet in the back of the room.  It was open and, except for a single folder in the very back of the drawer, completely empty.  "Someone broke in and took every single evil plot we had!"

            "Except for this one," Allen said, taking out the remaining folder.

            Kim suddenly caught a whiff of a familiar expensive, custom-blend cologne.  "Give you three guesses who.  I _knew Junior was up to something!  Come on, Ron.  We have to find him!"_

            "Why?"

            "Ron, think about it.  Señor Senior, Sr. and Señor Senior, Jr. have an entire drawer full of world domination plots that have been meticulously analyzed to make sure nothing can go wrong!"

            Unfortunately, on her way out, Kim ran into Barkin.  Literally.

            "Where's the fire, Possible?"

            "Mr. Barkin!  Where's Señor Senior, Jr.?"

            "He left, with no explanation.  Said that some important family matter had come up.  I think I heard a helicopter.  The real question is why you haven't reported back to me."

            "Well, you see…"

            "Possible, let me make one thing clear: _nobody _breaks their promises to Steve Barkin.  I think you know exactly what's going on, and you're not telling me.  Which leads me to wonder, what are you hiding?  What could possibly be so mind-bogglingly important for me not to find out about?"

            "Kim Possible!  Are you still following me?"

            Steve Verruckt came out of the meeting room, with Allen, Don, and Bob close behind.

            "Wha-?" Kim began, but saw Steve give her a barely noticeable wink.

            "Verruckt.  What's going on here?"

            "Kim Possible has been following me for the past few days, and I think she's trying to pry into my private life!"  As he passed Kim, he whispered "I'll deal with Barkin.  You go do what you need to do."

            Within ten minutes, Kim was in the air, in the private jet of a skinny, yet strong-looking man.

            "Thanks for the ride, Mr. Pengine!"

            "Kim, after you took care of those poachers in my nature reserve, I'm more than happy to help!"

            "No big.  It was just a matter of making sure the elephants say them first."

            Ron came up to the front of the plane.  "Uh, Kim?  Didn't we shut down Señor Senior, Sr.'s lair?"

            "Yeah."

            "So, then, where are we going?"

            Kim opened her mouth to speak, and then realized that she had no idea where to go…until a sudden idea came to her.

            "Wait a minute.  First, Junior is on the phone to his father about doing something that requires training and skintight outfits."  Ron shuddered.  "What's wrong?"

            "I just got an image of Señor Senior, Sr. in a skintight outfit, and let me tell you, that is SICK AND WRONG!"

            "Ron!  Focus!  Okay, so then, Duff Killigan holds up a bank, in Middleton, but leaves in a helicopter without stealing anything after receiving a mysterious phone call, which totally doesn't fit his M.O.  Then, while we're gone, Señor Senior, Jr. makes his move, steals all of EGBT's evil plots, and gets away while we're gone.  Plus, Barkin said he heard a helicopter!"

            "So?"

            "So, I think that the whole Killigan-robbing-a-bank thing was just a way to divert our attention.  Killigan was the distraction."

            "You mean Duff Killigan took _my job?  I take back my earlier statement; _that_ is sick and wrong!"_

            "Sick and wrong." Rufus agreed from Ron's pocket.

            "Wade, is there any reason why Duff Killigan wouldn't be operating out of his island lair?"

            "None that I know of.  But what does this have to do with the robbery of the plots?"

            "Can you stream me a satellite image of the island's exact coordinates?"

            Wade pushed a button, and the screen changed to an image of a largish island that was about 5% beach, 5% house, and 90% golf course.  As Kim watched, a helicopter landed on the roof, and two figures got out of it.

            "Yep.  The Seniors couldn't use their old lair, so they borrowed Killigan's."

            One hour later, Kim and Ron swam up onto the shores of Killigan's Island.

            "KP, could you answer me something?"

            "What's that?"

            "How is it that you can always go straight from skydiving to scuba diving and come out looking as though you just went to a beauty salon, whereas I always flop around like a wounded animal for a while?"

            "The secret is to detach your parachute _before_ you hit the water."

            "Yeah.  How come I can never do that and you can?"

            "I think it's because I don't duct tape the parachute to my body."

            "Oh sure, fine, if you want to take chances on your pack coming off in midair, be my…"

            Ron was cut short by the arrival of Señor Senior, Sr., Señor Senior, Jr., and Duff Killigan on the beach.  All three had evil grins on their faces.

            "You see, father?  I told you they would find us.  They _always find us!"_

So?  Eh?  Whaddya think?  Review!  Respond!  Conform!  Consume!  OBEY!!!  Oh, wait, that's not right, uh…


	5. The Chapter After the Fourth Chapter

Since publishing chapter three, I have received a total of…let's see here…carry the two…using the transitive property of multiplication…adjust for inflation…ZERO reviews.  Please, change this!  I can't tell you how much it means to have complete strangers singing the praises of my work.

I have just come into a huge fortune, care of a man who only identified himself as SSS.  As of right now, I own Disney, and Kim Possible, and the entire world!  BOW TO ME, MONKEYS!!!

                        **CHAPTER FIVE**

            "Well, Kim Possible.  We meet again.  But this time, I have the perfect evil plan.  In fact, I have twenty!"

            "Those aren't your plans, Señor Senior, Sr.  Whatever happened to the villain's code?"

            "The villain's code says that evil plans have to be unused and untested.  It says nothing about who writes them."

            "Look, is all this conversation really necessary?"

            "Killigan, a proper villain always taunts his foe before making his move."

            "Oh, really?  Says who?"

            Señor Senior, Sr. tossed a book into Killigan's hands.  "I recommend reading 'The Book of Evil'.  It's quite enjoyable."

            Killigan flipped through the pages before throwing the book on the ground.  "Pure rubbish.  Whoever wrote this book clearly knows nothing about being evil."

            "Oh?  And would you care to share your opinions on how a proper villain should behave?"

            "Aye." Killigan said, as he dropped a golf ball on the ground in front of him.  "A proper villain…_slices!"  With that last word, Killigan hit the golf ball into a high arc, so that it landed about an inch from Ron's feet.  As Ron looked at the ball, he noticed that it was beeping in an eerily familiar way._

            "Gaah!!" Ron shouted, jumping out of the way of the explosion.  

            Killigan hit ball after ball at the good guys on the beach.  Kim danced nimbly out of their way; Ron, however, was forced to resort to hiding behind the nearest large object.  Unfortunately, that large object happened to be Señor Senior, Jr., who grabbed Ron in a headlock as soon as he realized what had happened.

            "Ron!" Kim shouted.  She rushed forward to help her friend, but Killigan pressed his nine-iron to his throat.

            "I suggest that ye come with us, Kim Possible.  After all, we have yer sidekick, and I do nay think that ye'd want anythin' to happen to him."

Once inside Killigan's lair, Ron, Kim, and Rufus were all imprisoned.

            "Now, shall I tell you of which plan I intend to use?"  
            "Oh, do nay stop to tell her the plan!"

            "Killigan, a proper villain always…"

            "Proper, schmoper.  All I know is that every time one of us villains goes and blabs abou' our little plan, she wins!"

            "Where did you hear that?"

            Killigan held up a book, entitled 'The _Real Book of Evil, Not that Garbage that the Seniors Read, by Shego."_

            Señor Senior, Sr. opened the book to the first page and began to read aloud.  "'A while back, I was hired by a rich old man who was trying to pass himself off as a super villain.  He wanted me to train his son, who was even more pathetic than he was, in the ways of villainy.  After getting to know my student, I realized that he had great potential.  His father, unfortunately, was too bound to "tradition" to let him do anything right.  After some careful research, I traced the source of the problem back to the book from which my wealthy part-time employer got all of his information: "The Book of Evil".  From that point, I was determined to keep other villainous hopefuls from making the same mistakes that that guy did.  So, I wrote my own book.'  This is an outrage!  I pay her obscene amounts of money to do what she does best, and _this_ is how she repays me?"

            Kim sighed.  This was going to take a while.

As I am the author, I decide to invoke my divine, authorial power to make two hours pass really, really quickly.

            "What about leaving the hero on a conveyor belt to their doom while you go off and do something else?  How come all the villains in the movies do _that_?"

            "Two reasons.  One, they were incredibly impatient and wanted to get the world conquering out of the way.  And two, the movie villains are, how can I put this…_fictional!!!_"

            "Father?  Mr. Killigan?"

            "Not now, Junior.  Can't you see we're busy having a heated argument over the proper form of villainy?"

            "But father…"

            "What!?"

            "Kim Possible has escaped."

            "That's nice, Junior, but I'm really quite busy, so…she WHAT!?!"

            "She took out her laser knife and cut through the bars of her cell.  You two were too busy arguing to notice."

            "And ye did nay stop her…why?"

            "Are you kidding?  She had a laser knife!"

            "Well, why didn't you tell us?"

            "I've been trying to for the last half hour!"

            "If they only left in the last half hour, they can nay have gotten very far."

            "But how are we going to catch them?"

            "We?" Killigan chuckled.  "_We_ are nay going to do anything.  I believe I have a friend who can help us with this.  Follow me.  I'd like ye to meet her."

            The Seniors followed Killigan into his secret underground catacombs.  It soon became apparent that the catacombs were actually constructed underneath the ocean surrounding the island.  Eventually, Killigan led them to a giant concrete tank.

            "Nessie!  Here Ness!  Here girl!  Come to Duff!"

            The water began to bubble, and a fishlike, yet reptilian head on a long, sinuous neck rose from the water.  It stared at the Seniors, its three-inch teeth bared menacingly.  Señor Senior, Sr. and Señor Senior, Jr. both stared at it.  They both knew what it was…but it _couldn't be!  It didn't exist!_

            Did it?

Don't worry about the story becoming too surreal.  You'll understand all in the next chapter.  However, if my current review rate doesn't improve, I may not even _write_ a next chapter.


	6. The Chapter After the Chapter Before the...

To Parareru: Thanks.  Though, technically, she's not really Nessie.  He just calls her that.  She's…well, you'll see.

To Cynthia Krenshaw: I do so agree.  But then again, I wrote it.  As I said in the last chapter, "I can't tell you how much it means to have complete strangers singing the praises of my work."

Somebody stole the Disney corporation from me, so I don't own anything anymore.  Oh well.  It was fun while it lasted.

                        **CHAPTER SIX**

            "Killigan, is that…"

            "It can't be…"

            "How did you…"

            "Well, ye see, it all started when I stole some crazy lady's giant genetic zipper machine.  Once I got it reassembled, it was a simple matter of crossing a moray eel with a killer whale.  The result was Nessie here."

            Junior took several steps back.  "Are…you…sure it's a…she?"

            Killigan gave Junior a dark look.  "Do ye want to try and prove otherwise?"  He turned back to Nessie and held up a picture of Kim and Ron.  "I need ye to find these people.  I think they went in the general direction of the United States.  Once ye find them, ye may do whatever ye like to them."

            Nessie screamed, reminding Señor Senior, Jr. of the ringwraiths in _The Lord of the Rings.  She then turned around and dove towards a door near the bottom of her tank._

                        ***                 *                 ***

            Ron leaned back in his seat in the back of the submarine that Wade had set up for their escape.  "You know, KP, I think I prefer submarine travel to airplanes.  There are no parachutes required."

Kim turned to the captain.  "Thanks for giving us a ride home, Captain Omen."

            "Please, Kim Possible.  The pleasure's all mine, after you saved my life, and my sub."

            Kim shrugged it off in her typical modest way.  "Distracting a giant squid was _so_ not the drama."

            "Kim!" Wade shouted from the Kimmunicator.  "I'm picking up some strange sonar signals being aimed at your sub!  It sounds like it's coming from some sort of animal."

            "Pod of whales?"

            "No.  The frequency doesn't match any species on record.  But whatever it is, it's big, and it's moving fast!"

            Just then, the sub rocked, tossing Ron out of his chair.  "Hey!  I was just getting comfortable!"

            "We've been attacked!" Captain Omen shouted.

            Kim slid an oxygen tank onto her back.  "Probably another giant squid.  I'll go see what I can do."

            "Miss Possible, giant squid don't live this close to the surface!  And I don't think they use sonar!"

            The sub gave another violent lurch.  Kim dashed over to the periscope.  After some quick searching, she found that the creature that attacked the submarine was black and whitish-yellow, and close to forty feet long.  It had the body of a killer whale, but without the dorsal fin.  Instead, it had a ridge, like a fish.  Also, where an orca would have a bullet-shaped head, this creature had a long, snakelike neck, ending in an eel-like head, with teeth that were longer than her finger.

            "What…_is that thing?"  She tried to get a closer look, but the monster bit the end off of the periscope._

            "Ron, we need to get out there!  You distract it, and I'll…think of something."

            "I've changed my mind.  I actually prefer flying.  There aren't any sea monsters up there."

            Outside the sub, Ron and Kim split up.  Ron, not having any better ideas, grabbed one of the monster's tail flukes and twisted it just enough to give it the idea that there was something back there.  The monster turned around with surprising speed for a creature its size, just in time to see Ron swimming away as fast as he could with all his bulky scuba gear on.

            Ron suddenly felt something pass through him.  It didn't hurt, exactly, but he now found himself unable to move.  As his momentum caused him to flip over, he saw that the monster was now headed straight towards him!  At that moment, he realized what had happened to him – _it had stunned him with its sonar!_

            The monster was quickly closing the gap between it and Ron.  Ron would've screamed, if he hadn't been underwater and was able to move.  Suddenly, something pink wrapped around the monster's mouth.  Ron recognized it as Kim's elastic constricting lipstick!  The monster turned to Kim, but being unable to open its mouth, it couldn't do much.  In fact, since it could no longer open its mouth, it also couldn't pump water over its gills, and began showing strange signs of asphyxiation.

            Just then, Killigan's golf ball submarine, with robotic claw attachments on the sides, came hurtling through the water.  Killigan, Señor Senior, Sr., and Señor Senior, Jr. were all visible inside the control room.  The claws reached out, grabbed the elastic lipstick, and pulled it off of the monster's mouth!  Then, Killigan spoke into a special underwater microphone.

            "Come on, Nessie.  Ye've got them right where ye want them, now finish them!"

            _No way! Kim thought.  _Duff Killigan…_owns_ this thing?__

            I could go into a detailed description of Nessie chasing Kim and Ron around, but I'm already pushing the limits of a G rating here, putting the characters in this kind of peril.  So let's skip ahead a ways…

            "Do you, Kim, take this man to be…"

            Whoops!  I went a little _too far.  Heh, heh…just a second, let me rewind… All right, here we are!_

            Kim and Ron began swimming in circles around the submarine, which started snatching at them.  Kim grabbed for her nearest gadget, which happened to be her grappling hook hairdryer.  One of the golf sub's claws accidentally grabbed Nessie by the pectoral fin.  At the same time, the other one grabbed the grappling hook.  A sudden thought came to Kim.  She aimed the hook down and fired.  The force threw the sub off balance, causing it to spin around.  Of course, it was holding a grappling hook, which was attached to a very long rope.  Before too long, both Killigan's sub and Nessie were completely wrapped up in the rope.

            "Well," Killigan said, as Señor Senior, Sr. and Señor Senior, Jr. involuntarily crushed him against the side of the sub, "this is inconvenient."

                        ***                 *                 ***

            "So, what did you tell Barkin?"

            It was the following day.  Kim and Ron had resumed their normal life, knowing that it was very likely to be interrupted again quite soon.  Duff Killigan, Señor Senior, Sr. and Señor Senior, Jr. had been taken into custody.  It was particularly embarrassing for the Seniors, as they had never been captured before.  Nessie was relocated to the same place as all of DNAmy's Cuddle Buddies.  Kim had returned the evil plots to Steve Verruckt, to whom she was now talking.

            "What else?  I told him the truth, except for the part about you knowing what we were up to.  I left that out."

            "How did he react?"

            "Well, first, there was some yelling, and some shouting about forming a club without his permission.  Our parents were mentioned multiple times, and we got hit in the face with a huge detention."

            "How about the others?  How did they react to this?"

            "The only reason I told Barkin the truth was because I had cleared it with them first."

            "But…why?  Why risk detention for all four of you, as well as having your club disbanded?"

            "Well, I saw what you were going through, being torn between keeping your promise to Barkin and not getting four guys who weren't doing anything wrong, other than forming a club behind his back, get in trouble.  So, I talked it over with the guys, and we agreed that we tell Barkin what we were up to, without letting on that you knew."

            "That's so sweet.  It's wrong, but in a sweet sort of way."  Kim then turned to leave.

            "Oh, and Kim?"

            "Yeah?"

            "Thanks."

            "No big.  I owed you one, after you secured that A+ for me in biology last year."

            "Oh, that was nothing.  Anybody could've made an animated diagram of the life cycle of a blood fluke."

            "Not me."

            "What?  I thought Kim Possible could do anything!"

            "Yeah, but when you described what a blood fluke is, I lost my interest in the idea right about when you said 'parasitic worm.'"

            There then followed a long, awkward period, in which neither of them said anything.  Finally, Kim said; "Well, I have to get to class."

            "Yeah.  Oh, and if Allen, Don, or Bob asks…this conversation never happened."

            "Right."

So, there you have it.  I hate to leave you all, (sniff!) but maybe I'll write more.  But first, I have to get over this disturbing bout of writer's block, and go to Puerto Rico for a week.  When I think of something, I'll write it.  Then again, who says that _this particular story has to be over?  You just never know!_


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